maybe what everyone says is true, "U should never give up ur life upon difficulties." life is difficult, and that's y u feel fun for living on earth. i regained hopes from her last nit. she indeed called me back at 11, and we had a pleasant and long talk. she finally claried her position toward me, "We r just normal frdz." this made me happy becoz i will never drain my head toward the water, killing myself. i know how important to take a time now; i realize rushing is just not an efficient way for a relationship (it does not improve relationship well-being<copy from economic well-being>). hence, i will wait quietly. i recalled a verse which i wrote be4, "what is belong to u will be belong to u, what has to be gone will have to be gone." this is very true, and this is also my philosophy toward relationship. if anyone happens facing a relationship problem, thinking of this verse might help to get out of some damn stupid questions.

i slept at 3 last nit, which was kinda late. what made me up so late was the csa president, theresa. we had a long long talk over the csa, and its future goals and plans all those. i should have not involved into csa's inside stuff, but what i reli wanted was a prosperity in chinese union. haha, this may seem impossible. however, nth is impossible as long as u reli try hard on it. i can reli "see one day, that one day, all blacks' and whites' kids can be together playing in the parks." haha, does it sound familiar? yes yes, thats from a person who i respect a lot, Martin Luther King Jr. i like his idea a lot, and his idea should be futher encaved into all society, shouldn't it? okie, it's time to stop and study for math.

it's 7:30 in the morning rit now, feeling depressed. haven't been writing about my life recently. what i have undergone in the past week was not pleasured. not only did the studying in all my finals obesse with me, but also did that girl disattract me alot. i started to recosider what is romanticism. is it just a child's stuff? or is it a philosophy that varies from age to age? i can see no simple answer. however, in my experience lately, i have discovered what seemed to me was romantic was seemed to be stupid. it's hard for me to tell who is rit and wrong; yet, there's one thing i can tell is that she's rit regardless of anything, becoz i like her so much... but everything has passed already, and i probably will not have another chance to get along with her as like the first week we met, talking on the phone freely everyday. i can only view now as a challenge which god give to me; i will gladly accept my fate---maybe i reli not deserve to be liked by anyone. being a cat or dog worthes more than a lover..haha, thx leo koo gives me so much comfort. anyways, gotta go face my fate rit now and take my econ final. god bless me!!

i am soo scared. not because of finals' coming, but my dad's health. i recieved my mom's call late at tonit. she told me that dad has been feeling bad in these couple days. i was desperate when i was listening to this news. i don't even remember how many times i have prayed for my parents. i don't care if i have nth; i am willing to trade for any good for them. dad's blood pressure is still very high rit now, and he's pretending he's very fine. god, what should i do? i feel helpless...

not only i worry about my dad, but also i worry about her. though i just knew her for few days, she has given me a very special feeling, a feeling that disappeared long ago. i worry,